On Kansas, Part 1

Most of you reading this know that I was in Kansas for two weeks. My decision to go to Kansas was last minute (for a Kelsie trip at least) and a good investment. After I won the library fellowship, it became clear that I needed to research relational database programs, select a program and receive training. As I looked at my options, I couldn't figure out which program would be good for linguistic research. Demo videos included tasks for average businesses: sorting by address, quantity, and the like. I felt overwhelmed with options and a general lack of knowledge concerning what exactly relational databases do. I also didn't think that I'd be creative enough to transfer database designs from a general business template into my Geraldine research. Rather than hang my head in shame, I decided to go to Kansas for a linguistics institute which offered two workshops on database design.

My first dilemma in going to Kansas was deciding how to get there. There used to be a direct flight from my locale to Kansas, but it seems that the airline that offered this flight pattern no longer offers it. Tickets were  expensive so I figured I would take the train. The train tickets were sold out. Sold out?! People actually take the train in this country? How can seats be sold out... and to Kansas?! They were, so that option was out. I decided to drive instead.

It is roughly a 10-hour drive from my house to Kansas. The air conditioning in my car, Papa Smurf, is broken and Kansas is hot. Likewise, Papa Smurf has a radio and no other form of music player. At first I thought I'd try to catch a ride with other friends driving to Kansas (note: these people were linguists attending the same institute, I don't know copious amounts of people who go to Kansas for a summer vacation). This would have worked out, but my friends were leaving on Wednesday and I didn't want to find housing for 4 extra days, or spend 3 weeks away from Hubby. So I drove... alone... on a Sunday... through hours of corn fields... there was nothing on the radio except bad country music and people reading passages from the Bible...and finally made it to Kansas.

Many people are aware of my snake phobia, but I have another phobia that dates back to 6th grade: corn fields. More specifically, corn fields in Nebraska. In 6th grade I invited myself to a birthday party sleepover. All of the cool kids were attending this party but I wasn't invited. So what did I do? I called the birthday girl, asked her about her weekend plans and lamented over having no plans for myself until she finally told me that I could invite myself over to her party. So I did. It was a fun party full of boys, truth or dare and horror movies. We watched Children of the Corn but I fell asleep. Thankfully, no one froze my underwear that night, but I did wonder how the movie ended. AND my friends made fun of me. So what did I do? I begged my dad to rent the movie for me so I could watch it and not feel left out. And he did! And I've been afraid of corn fields, Dairy Queens on Sundays, towns where everyone attends the same morning church service and Nebraska ever since. No one is sacrificing me to a corn field demon. To make sure that this never happens, I avoid corn fields. I was able to avoid driving through Nebraska on my way to Kansas, but not corn fields. Of the 10-hour drive, at least 6 hours consisted of nothing but corn fields for a view. Combined with the scripture reading on the radio AND it being a Sunday, I tried not to stop. I thoughtfully packed a cooler full of cold beverages and food for my journey before I left and stopped after about 5 hours to use the bathroom when there weren't any corn fields. I left the bathroom proud of myself for avoiding the corn fields. And what did I find? A 2-foot long snake skin next to the bathroom door. I ran back to Papa Smurf and didn't exit again until Kansas.

Unlike the terror-filled journey there, Kansas turned out to be a fun place to spend two weeks. No wonder the train tickets there were sold out. Geraldine ended up being a super popular topic of conversation at the institute and I learned about databases. It seems that Geraldine will be even bigger and better than planned with a new database, but building it will take a while. Lucky for me, it's hot where I live and my office is air conditioned (whereas my house is not). Perhaps the next 50-hour of pressing the 'enter' button on my keyboard will be more tolerable than originally planned.