The first week back

Summer is over and I can stop feeling guilty about the time I am spending focused on Geraldine. My first week back on campus was fun, productive and reassuring.

 For most of the summer, I felt lousy about the progress of my research. Sure, I learned about databases and rebuilt my database. I also copied entries from too many dictionaries to list here. I read a little and wrote nothing. I haven't produced any fancy reports from queries of my data, which means I can't really show off my database to my committee (or myself for that matter). The heat certainly distracted me and prevented any dreams of ultimate progress I had conjured up before the summer started, and it took me three months to come to terms with the new direction my committee wants me to take with my research. I also felt anxious about fall term starting again. I wanted to start writing in August but I wasn't ready. Would my committee start to doubt my ability to finish? Would I start doubting my May graduation goal? I have joked about my thoughts regarding the low number of people who will actually read my dissertation since I started this project, (5 if you count my committee, 6 if someone agrees to proof read it for me, 7 if I get to include myself, 8 or 9 if I apply for the Joseph Greenberg dissertation award for linguistic typology and maybe 3 more people will actually read it because they are interested in it) but all summer the "it doesn't matter, no one actually reads dissertations" feelings have been replaced by "my dissertation won't be worth reading." Perhaps this is why so many people write fascinating dissertations and then are never heard of again. A former professor of mine used to joke that people just buy farms in upstate New York after they write dissertations and that's how they disappear forever. I'm beginning to understand those people. When working on a project intensely for a few years or more, everyone must wonder at some point if their dissertations are worth reading. Pondering this topic not only makes me feel better about my work, it reminds me that it's time to throw myself back into my work again. Indi always tells me, a good dissertation is a finished dissertation. If I can finish it, it will be worth reading.
I worked for 4 days this week. 3 days were strictly devoted to Geraldine and the 4th was spent teaching my new class. Teaching was great. I had fun, my students smiled at my antics, and there were no teaching nightmares before my first class. I will meet my second group of students on Monday night. On Wednesday, I finally convinced the gate keeper of the library to give me a key for my own study carrel. Her responses to my pleas evolved as follows: 1) There are no study carrels available. 2) There are very few study carrels available and even after resubmiting an application, you may not get one. 3) There are no study carrels available on the 3rd floor. 4) I found a key to an open study carrel on the 3rd floor, west wing. Here is your key. You will be charged $25 next fall if you don't renew it. And with that, I received a key and had fun hunting all over the 3rd floor for my new carrel (FYI a study carrel is a glorified closet in the library with a desk, a lamp, a chair and a waste basket). I finally found it and you know what? It is five steps away from the two rows of books I consult most frequently. My carrel has one brick wall and three white walls with coffee stains left over from other academics who loathed and admired their work as much as I do mine. I have officially crossed the threshold to tenure-track bound awesomeness. I also now have the power to slip in and out of the stacks without anyone knowing where I came from. It's almost as cool as being able to teleport around campus.

I saw Indi briefly. He pointed a finger at me and walked away to a meeting. I think it was more of a greeting than a warning, but I e-mailed him an update just to make sure. I saw most of my friends and a lot of former students. My friends, it seems, didn't do much academic work over the summer and I feel better about myself. My former students' faces lit up when they saw me and they told me repeatedly how much fun my classes were and that they learned a lot. Again, I feel better about myself. Even one of my current students passed me on the way to the library and acted excited to see me. And at our first choir rehearsal of the season last night, my choir director announced my library award and gave me a newspaper clipping of myself. This can only mean one thing: This year is going to be my best year of school and I am graduating in May (okay that was two things... I lied). Now to keep up the positive energy that only the first week of fall term can bring and make it last until I write the first 4 chapters of Geraldine... Here goes!