On not graduating

I finished grading exams for another set of students. Usually I would be happy that my teaching obligations are done for another term, but my lack of excitement saturates all of my current feelings regarding school. I've taken a month off from research and told myself that I'd have to start again as soon as my students' finals were graded. That means I have to resume research today, but I don't have a strong desire to do it. I know many people who defend then submit their work to the graduate school never to look at their dissertation research again. I don't think that I'm that person, nor do I think it's unusual to be completely burnt out after completing a dissertation, but I sure wish I had a stronger drive to pursue my research. Luckily, I have a lot of deadlines this summer that will force me to work regardless of my desire to do so.

In my month away from researching, I've been able to enjoy a few hobbies (wow, I have hobbies?!?). I started cooking again and knit a bunch of stuff for the baby.  Meanwhile I've been trying to figure out how I can both be a top linguist in my field and a great mom. The two seem diametrically opposed and I've spent the last few months trying to convince myself that my pregnancy isn't an academic shot in the foot. There is more to think about then I thought there would be before becoming pregnant. Suddenly moving to Europe for a post doc in the next year sounds overwhelming. Then again, so do labor and breast feeding. At least I stopped having dissertation-related nightmares.

I thought that delaying graduation would leave me feeling left out, but it hasn't. I happily delete all e-mails concerning cap and gowns and ignore anything else having to do with graduation. What I didn't expect is the mountain of paperwork I've been shifting through due to the fact that I'm staying on for another semester. Because I applied for graduation, no offices on campus planned for me to return. Teaching contracts came out last week (which is about a month later than normal) and even though my department told me I would come back in the fall fully funded, it seems that no one else was informed of this decision. Among other things, paper work has included:
notifying human resources that I am returning so that my insurance isn't dropped (3xs)
notifying the graduate school that I am returning so that I can enroll in classes (4xs)
notifying my loan companies that I am still in school and my loans should still be in deferment (2xs)
requesting permission numbers so that I can enroll
signing weird documents with information about my marital statues and husband's contact information so that I can enroll
paying a $40 graduation fee so that I can enroll in classes again (1x only, few!)
owing $600 to human resources to make up for the health insurance deductions that weren't taken from my paycheck this semester (better only be 1x or they might as well fire me)

Other things that have been awkward include receiving mail addressed to Dr. Kelsie, taking a graduation trip without having graduated, receiving a really awesome camera for graduating without actually graduating, and not knowing what to tell people when they ask about school, which at the moment usually sounds like this: "How's the dissertation going?"
"Fine. Everything is done."
"Great! When are you graduating?"
"I don't know."
"Why not?"
"I'm pregnant so my committee delayed my defense until later notice. I'll let you know when I receive later notice."
"Oh, you're pregnant, I couldn't tell. Congratulations."
to myself: "Give me a break, I look like I swallowed a basketball. Geraldine couldn't have made me look this huge."
At this point, I'm convinced it would have been easier to go through with the defense and graduate. Oh well.