On the exciting event called riding the bus

I pay student fees every semester that allow me to ride the bus unlimited times. I luckily have a bus line that takes me to my university without having to transfer routes and I try to take the bus on a regular basis. But riding the bus in this city is an event.


Hubby and I work in the same building, but he refuses to carpool to work. Campus is 8 miles away and I think it's stupid for us to take 2 cars from the same house to the same building every day. Since I already paid the student fees, I figure I should take the bus, but sometimes it is more of an adventure than I bargained for.

Growing up in Seattle, riding the bus is a mundane activity. All sorts of people ride the bus. They ride it to work, to school, or wherever. It's not much different than taking a cab in NYC. But here... average people don't ride the bus. In fact, they wouldn't be caught dead on it, hubby included. This leaves an unusually large population of weirdos on the bus. And yes, unless the bus is next to campus, most of the people riding it are weirdos!

For years I have entertained my friends with stories of random people asking me out on the bus. Having had another week full of adventures with the county bus system, I thought I'd take a moment to recapture some of the highlights from over the years.

1) The Encounter with the Mongolian
After ice skating one morning, I waited at the busstop with my skates in my hands. This of course was an excellent opportunity for anyone else at the busstop to talk to me about skating. Feeling social, I responded to a young guy's inquiries, which then led to this dialogue:
him: Do I have an accent?
me: I'm a linguist, everyone has an accent.
him: But do I sound American?
me: What kind of an American do you want to sound like?
him: The kind that doesn't sound like a foreigner.
me: Uh... work on your r- and t-sounds.
The bus comes. There are pleanty of places to sit, but the Mongolian sits next to me.
him: So can I have your number?
me: No. My boyfriend wouldn't like that.
him: But I want to go on a date with you.
me: Sorry, I'm not interested. Besides, I'm 10 years older than you.
him: Age doesn't matter.
me: I'm not interested.
him: But how will I improve my English if you won't have sex with me?

Hmmm.... I never knew that being a linguist was a turn on.

2) The Encounter with Maurice
I often read on the bus. One day, Maurice decided to strike up a conversation with me:
him: What language are you reading in?
me: Oh, uh... it's German.
him: Oh, do you speak German?
me: (duh, that's why I'm reading it) Yes, I do.
him: I've always wanted to learn German. Do you tutor?
me: (alright, extra cash for a poor student!) Yes, actually, I do tutor German. I've taught it for a number of years.
him: How much do you charge?
me: It depends on if I have to travel. My price starts at $25 an hour.
him: I'm Maurice. This is my number. I'd love to start learning German, will you call me?
me: Sure, here's my number too.
him: Great, now I can booty call you.
me: (What?!?) Uh, I don't think that's a good idea. This is my stop. (It wasn't)

Darn, foiled again!

3) The Encounter with Camera Man

This time I had just gotten off the bus when a man in a wheel chair looked up at me and asked:
him: Would you be interested in buying a 35 millimeter camera?
me: nope.
him: You have beautiful eyes. Can I have your number?
me: nope.

4) The Encounter with Turban Man
This one happened this week while waiting for the bus.
him: something something something something baby
me: Uh.... no.
him: no baby?
me: No, no baby.
him: Why no baby? You no want?
me: Uh, not right now.
him: You need baby. You old enough. Where your baby?
me: Nope, no baby.
him: You should have two baby.
me: (thank God the bus just came and it's full!)

Apparently having a wedding ring now indicates that I'm not going to give anyone my number but that it's okay to ask me about my womb. Who knew?