In January, Hubby unexpectedly received $900 in the mail from the American Association for Teachers of German as a reimbursement for travel expenses to Leipzig. We used the cash to pay off a credit card balance. In the same month, we both received surprise checks from the US government of roughly $18 for credit card settlements. It was enough to go to the bar and hang out with each other for more than 15 minutes. I'm not exactly sure how we made it onto the free money via the US mail list, but I can't complain. It must have something to do with magic bubble bath (and if that's the case, I must buy stock in this bubble bath and then order it for everyone I know).
As you may recall, I applied for the Library Dissertation Fellowship for $5000 in March, found out at the end of April that I was a finalist, and interviewed for the award on May 7th. You might also remember that I felt terrible after my interview, felt rushed through the entire thing, thought the woman in black who was leading the interview hated my stinking guts, had horrible back pain leading up to the interview, felt like puking after being asked to leave the library when my interview ended, and have been having stress nightmares all month. My back pain started easing up a week ago and I've had a few sporadic solid nights of sleep since then. I was supposed to hear about the fellowship by the end of the semester, which officially ended on the 20th. I heard nothing and assumed that my love-hate relationship with the library resulted in a rejected application for this fellowship. I tried not to let it bother me, but I was disappointed. Dumbledore asked me about the award at least two times a week all month. Each time I half-heartedly responded that I knew nothing and didn't think that I received it. She always had a baffled look on her face that made me wonder whether she was thinking:
a) Kelsie, you are impatient.
b) If the library doesn't select your project as most representational of using library resources, I will discontinue my membership in the Friends of the Library organization.
c) Hmmmm, maybe you're not as bright as I thought you were.
d) I never liked the library anyways.
I'll never know what she was really thinking, but it turns out her instincts were better than mine because I found out today that I received the fellowship. Wow! The library loves me (or at least I will live with this illusion for the rest of the weekend).
Since my prospectus hearing, I've felt deflated. I keep thinking about Geraldine, feel overwhelmed, don't know what to do next, feel guilty for doing anything unrelated to Geraldine (which included everything that I have done since my hearing), and am driving Hubby crazy by talking about it. We walked to a bakery this morning so that Hubby could indulge in a roll (we despise the owners of the bakery, but boy do they make good bread) and I talked his ear off the whole way there and back. Lucky for Hubby, the bakery is only 4 blocks away, but I still lamented my frustrations to him while trying to set a game plan for the day. When we came home, the mail had already been delivered and two envelops had my name on them. One was from the Chancellor's Office and I my heart sank as I recognized a rejection letter. I fought back tears while walking up the stairs to our flat, opened the letter full of self pity, read the first line and nearly fell over when I read:
"Dear Kelsie, I am delighted to inform you..." Delighted?!? How can this be?!?! I then saw the official name of the fellowship, a number with a $-sign in front of it and a closure of, "Again, congratulations." How in the world did that happen?!?! I squealed until the sudden shock caused my glottis to half close which then produced a really weird sound of murmured voice mixed with hysteria. Hubby thought I was dying as I started jumping up and down while crying until I flinged my hands in the air, slapped my sides and sang "I got 5 thousand dollars, I got 5 thousand dollars, I got....!" Apparently Hubby's mom (who lives below us and is our landlord) thought that our pet rabbit died with all the screaming and thumping, but even the rabbit is happy with the unexpected fortune announced in today's mail.
And with this exceptional news, I have a much needed renewed sense of hope and accomplishment. I will finish my dissertation, more than the 5 people on my committee will actually read my dissertation, and even if they don't, I'll still become a doctor in a year. Life is good.
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